Animal
Jokes 8
Alligator shoes A man was on holiday
in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes.
However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having
failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up
shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and
kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by
all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are
doing the same!". So the man went out into the
Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the
water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he
noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy
stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as
the beast was about to swallow him, he struck home with his spear
and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying
together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one
exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!".
So there's this fella with a parrot.
And the parrot swears like a sailor, an absolute pistol. He can swear
for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy
who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth
is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much. The guy grabs the
bird by the throat, shakes him hard and yells, "QUIT IT!" But
this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy
gets mad and says, "OK for you." He locks the bird in a
kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and
scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose
with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At
this point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and
claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very, very quiet . At first
the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be
hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's worried enough to open
the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the
man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I
gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has
come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did
that chicken do to you?"
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