Animal
Jokes 6
This guy walks into a petstore. For
the past two weeks he has suspected his wife of cheating on him, so he
decides to buy a parrot that can tell him what goes on at his house
during the day while he is at work. 'Well' says the petstore owner, 'I
only got one bird that can do that, but he's got no legs. The guy looks
at him and says, 'Well if he ain't got no legs, how's he balance himself
on the perch. 'He's got a really long penis, so he
wraps it around the perch.' The guy thinks it over and decides to buy
the parrot. He takes it home and sure enough the bird wraps his penis
around the perch for balance. Everyday the man comes home and asks
the parrot if his wife has been cheating on him. Everytime the same
answer, 'Raawk, nothing doing, Raawk'. Well, one day he comes home and
finds the parrot lying on the bottom of its birdcage. He picks it up and
asks what has happened. 'Raawk, big happenings, Raawk, big happenings'.
'Well, what happened?' asks the man. The parrot responds, 'Raawk, first
your best friend came over, Raawk, then your wife made him breakfast,
raawk, then they started kissing, raawk, then your wife took off her
shirt. 'And, and, then what happens?' asks
the man really upset. 'Raawk, I don't know, thats when I got a hard on and
fell off my perch!'
Two neighbors, Bob and Bill, had been fighting each
other for four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to
use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the
dog.So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it
to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of
Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi
pulls up in front of Bill's house.Bob runs over and demands to know
what's in the 18-wheeler.'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies
solemly.
Thirteen things dogs don't understand
1.It's not a laugh to practice barking
at 3a.m.
2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a
corner and guard her.
3.He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's
sopping wet.
4.The command "SHUT THE BLOODY F*%@
UP!" means just that
5. The cats have every right to be in the
living room.
6. Crapping on the floor is not something
deserving of a treat
7.Barking at guests 10 minutes after they
arrive is stupid
8.No, we said SIT
9.I know its a nice leg, but don't ride
it.
10. Getting up does NOT mean we are going
for a walk
11. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean
you can.
12. If you look at me with those big
soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok,
just this once.
13.No, it's my food....Oh alright then,
just a small piece.
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