Animal
Jokes 2
Everybody who has a dog calls him
Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. Now Sex has been embarrassing to me. When
I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I said one day I entered
Sex in a contest, but before the competition began the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking
around. I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He
told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't
understand" I said, "I had planned to have Sex on T.V."
He called me a show off. When my wife and I separated we
went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor,
I had Sex before I was married!!" The Judge said, "Me
too". Then I told him that after I was married that Sex had left
me. He said "Me too". Last night Sex ran off again. I spent
hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me
what I was doing in the alley at 4 O'clock in the morning. I said that I
was looking for Sex. My case comes up Monday........
A burglar breaks into an isolated
country house after watching the whole family depart for a night out on
the town. As he creeps across the darkened living room he hears a voice
saying: "I can see you..... and Jesus can see you". The
burglar shines his penlight torch around the room, but sees nothing. He
takes another step, and he hears it again: "I can see you..... and
Jesus can see you". This time he realizes the voice comes from
above, and when he shines his torch around he sees a parrot sitting on
top of a cupboard. It looks him in the eye and says: "I can see
you..... and Jesus can see you". The burglar laughs and says
"You're just a parrot". The parrot looks him in the eye and
says "I'm a parrot and my name is Ebenezer". The burglar
laughs again, and says "Ebenezer is a pretty silly name for a
parrot". The parrot looks him in the eye, waits until he has
stopped laughing, and says:
"I agree completely..........and
Jesus is a pretty silly name for a rotweiler".
A man took his dog to the Vet. He
said, "Doctor, I think my dog is dead." The Vet told him to put
the dog on the table and then left the room. Soon he came back with a
cat. The cat sniffed the dogs ears, his nose and then walked all over
him. The Vet said "Yep, your dog is dead. That will be $500 and 35
dollars." The man said, "$500 and 35 dollars! What for?"
The Vet said, "$35 for the office visit and $500 for the cat
scan."
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