Animal
Jokes 1
This guy goes to a pet shop to
buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left
leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the
significance of the strings. "Well, this is a highly trained
parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the
green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper. "And what happens if I pull both
the strings?" our curious shopper inquires. "I fall off my perch you
fool!!" screeches the parrot.
A young boy, about eight years old,
was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking out a pretty
good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to
be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the
boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this
to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this,
he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be
stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even
as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was
back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his
dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy
said. The grocer, trying not to be an
I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried
to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." "Well," the boy
replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh? What was it
then?" "I think it was the spin
cycle!"
For decades, two heroic statues, one
male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an
angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary
statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a
special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes,
during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of
his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a
bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal
of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two
statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen
more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more broadly, the
female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this
time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head!"
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