Adult Jokes 11

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?" "Yep, that was my birth control pill." said the driver. "Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman. "Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was fucked."

A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said, you'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Look at this. It's still in the CRATE.

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their wedding night with the young mans parents. In the morning the mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast, went to the bottom of the stairs and called for them to come down for breakfast. After a long wait the family ate without the newlyweds. The mother said I wonder why they never came down to eat. The groom's young brother said Mommy, I think...Oh shut up I don't want to hear what you think said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the younger brother. At lunch time the mother again prepared a wonderful meal and again called the young couple to eat. After another long wait the family proceeded to eat, and after the meal was completed the mother once again said I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again the younger brother started to speak, but was interrupted by the mother. At dinner time once again the mother cooked a very elaborate meal, had the table set perfect and called the newlyweds to join the family for dinner. After another long wait the mother once again questioned why they had not come downstairs all day. The young lad once again said Mommy I think....Well, what is it that you think? asked the mother rather irritated. I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model plane glue instead.